Hunter or Hunted? Part 2

Mona was no stranger to odd occurrences, but she had never met a talking baby before. She now had the distinct impression that her first meeting with one was not going all that well.
  “Er, hi,” Mona ventured. “My name’s Mona Parker, and this is Lily Duncan. What… who are you?”
  “The name’s Max,” replied the baby. “I’ve got your number, vampire! What have you done with the Ambassador?”
  “We don’t know any Ambassador,” Lily told the baby firmly. “Just who do you think you are, turning up here on Mona’s doorstep and asking questions she can’t possibly answer?”
  “Don’t play the innocent with me,” Max gurgled accusingly. “Do I look like I was born yesterday? Don’t answer that!” he added hastily. “I saw you on the telescreen attacking the Ambassador, vampire. We both did.”
  “Both?” Mona queried.
  “Yes, both of us,” Max replied impatiently. “You saw it too, didn’t you, AB?”
The second figure in the pram suddenly burst into life. He looked like a toy robot but he, too, spoke fluent English.
  “That’s right, Max,” said AB in measured, stately tones. “This vampire was trying to attack the Ambassador, but he performed a daring escape just in time.”
  “Look, I don’t know any Ambassador,” Mona insisted. “And I don’t know how I can be standing here having a conversation with a baby and a robot!”
  “This is weird, Mona,” Lily agreed. “Perhaps they’re some kind of evil creatures in disguise. Let’s be careful what we say to them.”
As Mona and Lily stared in astonishment, silvery stars filled the pram and a third figure began to materialise. As far as Mona could see, it was exactly the same in its features as the purple alien she had met the previous night - a long tubular nose, like a trunk, two mitten-like fingers on each hand, and two antennae sticking out of its head. This creature, however, was much smaller in size, and was green all over instead of purple. When it spoke, it also sounded as though it had a very bad cold.
  “What’s up, Max?” asked the newcomer. “Did you find the Ambassador?”
  “Almost,” Max replied. “This is the vampire we saw chasing after him. She must be holding him prisoner here!”
FX whirled around to look at Mona intently. She shuffled nervously on the spot, and could not meet the alien’s eyes.
  “Look, if it’s that purple thing you’re talking about, I didn’t know he was any Ambassador,” said Mona. “I didn’t attack him or chase him – he startled me and we kinda fell over each other, and then he disappeared. I tried to follow him, but he was gone.”
  “She admits it!” AB gasped. “You’d better deal with her, FX.”
  “No,” FX replied firmly. “There’s more here than meets the eye.”
  “Look, please, if one of you would just explain…” Mona began, but FX’s antennae twisted around each other and then untwined again, silver starlight sparkled around his head, and the pram was enveloped in an ethereal glow.
  “Rocket and Roll!” FX’s nasal tones proclaimed, and then the pram was gone. The doorstep was empty once again; no sign remained of the odd trio. Mona and Lily looked at each other in bewilderment.
  “What the hell was that all about?” asked Lily.
  “God knows,” replied Mona. “But that little green alien was the same kind of creature as the big purple one from last night. Perhaps…”
She was interrupted by the ringing of the telephone on the hall table. Automatically, Mona went over and lifted the receiver.
  “Hello?” she said numbly. “Yes, this is Mona the Vampire. Oh, hi Alex.”

  “So, what’s up?” asked Lily, as Mona replaced the receiver.
  “Alex wants me to meet him at his hotel this evening,” Mona replied numbly.
  “Oh, okay,” said Lily, not quite sure how to react to this news.
  “No, it’s not okay!” Mona exclaimed. “If he finds out I helped Imhotep escape, he might assign the entire Medjai to kill me!”
  “I think you’re jumping to conclusions a bit here, Mona,” Lily soothed her. “Why should Alex find out? You’re not going to tell him, are you?”
  “Not outright, but what if he starts asking me awkward questions I don’t know how to answer?” Mona worried. “I might accidentally give myself away.”
  “I don’t think Alex is looking to catch you out,” Lily replied. “After all, he owes you a lot. If it weren’t for your magic…”
  “It wasn’t my magic that made him younger,” Mona reminded her. “It was the Gruagach’s, and the fact that I performed the transformation was almost enough to bring the Gruagach back into Knightmare. But he’s gone now; I don’t have any power over Alex.”
  “But Alex doesn’t know that, does he?” Lily pointed out shrewdly. “Press home your advantage, Mona, and don’t panic – you can throw him off the scent!”
  “Yeah… yeah, you’re right,” Mona agreed with sudden determination. “I’ll let Alex ask his questions, but he won’t get anything out of me. Thanks, Lily.”

Dottie held the small reptilian head of Mervin, the Slith demon, under the rushing river water for ten seconds, then she pulled him up and dangled him upside down in front of Charley’s smug face.
  “Are you ready to talk yet, Mervin?” Charley asked casually. “We can wait all day, you know.”
  “I don’t think he’s ready to talk yet,” Dottie frowned. “I think he needs another dunking!”
  “No, no, Mistress, have mercy, I beg you!” Mervin spluttered. “Please, Master Zapman, make her stop!”
  “She’ll only stop when you tell us what we want to know,” Charley responded severely. “So spill it!”
  “Okay, okay,” Mervin relented. “This purple alien you’re after – I’ve seen it.”
  “There, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Charley taunted the small demon. “Where is it, then?”
  “That’s just the thing, man,” Mervin chattered. “It could be anywhere by now. I saw it down by the city dump – big purple thing, with a great long nose. This garbage truck was about to back into it, and the thing just… disappeared.”
  “You mean with magic?” queried Dottie.
  “Yeah, magic,” Mervin agreed readily. “It must have been! As soon as it saw the truck was about to run it over, it twisted its head-stalks around each other, then there were some stars, then it was gone! That’s all I saw, I swear!”
  “Hmm, okay,” Charley allowed, and Dottie let Mervin go. “So, I guess our only lead is the city dump. We’d better get over there.”
  “With a bit of luck, the creature has set up home at the dump and only disappeared to get out of the way of the garbage truck,” said Dottie. “If it’s still hiding out there, we’ll soon find it.”
Charley nodded, and began to lead the way to the dump. He was anxious to get this alien back into his comic, particularly now that he knew the creature was in command of at least some magic power. If he were to be responsible for the town being conquered by an intergalactic threat, Charley knew that Mona would definitely not be pleased with him.

In the foyer of the town’s most expensive hotel, Mona was met by Alex O’Connell. His expression was friendly and affable, but Mona still felt uneasy around him. She hoped that she would not give away these feelings in her manner or her words, but she was obliged to remain in her human form in so public a location. Alex took Mona into the hotel lounge.
  “We’ve searched the world for Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun, but there is just no sign of them,” Alex said. “That’s why we’ve come back here, to their last known location, to discover where their tracks truly lead.”
  “Assuming they’ve left any tracks, of course,” Mona remarked.
  “There is not a single thing that happens anywhere in the world that goes unnoticed,” Alex replied, and Mona was sure she could detect a slight edge to his voice. “Those two must have gone somewhere that night I spent in your friend Lily’s house, and it’s my job to find out where!”
  “Well, I really don’t know how I can help you,” said Mona innocently. “I haven’t seen Imhotep since that fateful night any more than you have. I really thought it was best to postpone the search until the morning, seeing as you were injured and we were all worn out. I can’t imagine what happened to Imhotep in the meantime, though.”
  “You must have been pretty mad at Imhotep that night,” Alex said, almost casually. “He had tricked you into bringing him back to life, and then he committed several murders in your town. You must have wanted to see him suffer very badly.”
  “Sure,” Mona lied.
  “Then I still don’t really understand the decision to postpone the hunt until the morning,” Alex continued. “If you were hot for the kill, why allow Imhotep the time he needed to escape?”
  “It was a tactical decision,” Mona frowned. “I’d just brought you in especially to deal with the situation. With you injured, I thought it would be best to wait until the morning before doing anything else.”
  “I see,” Alex replied tonelessly. “That turned out to be something of an unwise decision, didn’t it? The Medjai has used a lot of time and resources…”
  “Under your direction, I suppose,” Mona interrupted, whipping out her trump card as Lily had advised. “And would a feeble old man have been able to do what you have done? I don’t think so. You have me to thank for that, Alex.”
  “I haven’t forgotten what you did for me, Mona,” Alex said quietly. “Yet it’s turned out to be something of a double-edged sword. It’s great to feel like a teenager again… to be a teenager again. But you remember I told you about my son and grandson? They won’t come near me anymore – they can’t handle the idea that I’m now younger than both of them.”
  “You might not be for long,” Mona shot back. “Look at you now – it’s only a year since you were last here, but I reckon you’ve aged about four years during that time. By my calculations, that means that in just over fifteen years, you’ll be about the same age as you were when I first met you. And that’s assuming, of course, you don’t begin to age more quickly as time goes on, like Mel Gibson did in Forever Young. You’ll be the same feeble old grandfather you were before long, believe me.”
  “You don’t think I haven’t considered this?” Alex sighed. “To see myself getting old again at that kind of speed – I can’t bear to think about it.”
  “Still, I suppose fifteen years is probably more than you could have expected to last in the first place,” Mona mused. “However you look at it, what I did has got to have lengthened your life significantly.”
  “Maybe not,” Alex replied. “Both my parents lived to be over ninety. All your magic has done is to give me back my youth, only to take it away again.”
  “But why do you care?” Mona challenged. “If it’s such a double-edged sword, why should you mind so much how long it lasts?”
  “We’re digressing!” Alex suddenly exclaimed. “Do you have any idea where Imhotep could have gone that night? Are there any secret doorways or magic paths hidden around the town that he could have used to escape? You must know if there are!”
Mona considered this. She had resolved that she would try not to tell Alex an outright lie, so she tried to change the subject.
  “You weren’t the only one changed by those experiences, you know,” Mona told Alex cautiously. “Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun were both human when they went missing – they were reunited over time, space, life and death, and only wanted to be together. Doesn’t that count for anything in your eyes?”
  “Not in the eyes of the Medjai!” Alex cried. “And nor should it in yours – Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun have both performed indescribable evils over the years, and they cannot be allowed to go free. You must know if there are any magic ways they could have used to escape. Tell me!”
Mona sighed inwardly. Much as she hated to throw Alex off the scent deliberately, she was not about to tell him what she had done. She rose to her feet and smoothed her skirt in a most dignified fashion.
  “I know of no pathways like the ones you describe,” Mona told Alex smartly. “I’m afraid I can’t help you any further.”
And with that she strode from the room, knowing full well that she had not heard the last of this situation.

On her way back home, Mona found her path blocked in an alleyway by a shadowy figure. Mona did not flinch, for she recognised who it was at once.
  “Nicole!” Mona called out boldly. “What are you up to?”
  “I might ask you the same question, Mona,” Nicole’s cutting tones replied from the darkness. “When a vampire is abroad at this time of night, it’s usually on a hunt.”
  “And am I the hunter here, Nicole,” Mona returned, “or the hunted? I never hunt humans for food.”
  “So you say,” Nicole said darkly, still not emerging from the shadows. “But I know you’ve bitten Lily before. Was the taste of her sweet lifeblood good on your vampire lips, Mona? Do you yearn to take more every time you see her?”
Mona shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other. She remembered how the vampire part of her had rejoiced in tasting Lily’s blood all that time ago and, much as it sickened her to think of it now, Mona could not help the occasional stirring of the deep urge she still had to taste blood once again.
  “I’m not a threat to anyone,” Mona called boldly. “Quite the opposite, in fact. If you came here to fight me, Nicole, then let’s get it over with – I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.”
  “My purpose in coming here was not to fight you, necessarily,” Nicole returned. “It was merely to observe your behaviour; to assess whether you pose a threat.”
  “So you are the one who’s been spying on me!” Mona exclaimed. “I knew it.”
  “The fact that you were able to detect my presence was enough to make me suspicious,” Nicole continued. “You must understand, Mona, that I would consider it a failing in my professional capacity if I allowed a dangerous vampire to roam free.”
  “But you know I’m not dangerous!” Mona exclaimed. “Why should that have changed in the last four years?”
  “After everything I’ve seen and done during that time, I’m not prepared to give any vampire the benefit of the doubt,” Nicole explained. “Besides, I heard things when I was in Romania… things about you, Mona, that I had to investigate!”
  “About me?” Mona queried. “From whom?”
  “Someone very well informed,” Nicole returned evasively. “Perhaps we will discuss it at length later. I have no wish to fight you now, but I’m not going to be leaving town until my investigations are complete.”
With that, Nicole jumped high into the air and disappeared. Mona could not see where she landed, but she glared after her one-time ally before setting off once more on her journey home.

When Mona got back to her house, Lily met her on the doorstep. She looked slightly agitated and was obviously bursting to tell Mona something.
  “What’s up, Lily?” asked Mona wearily. “I’ve just had Alex and Nicole treating me like some kind of evil monster, so don’t tell me it’s bad news.”
  “Well, I’m not sure,” Lily admitted. “There are three visitors in your front room who are just dying to talk to you. I’ll introduce you to them.”
In the living room, three bodies occupied the sofa. One was of a small green alien, one was of a robot made from building blocks, and the other was of a baby with a patch of red hair. Mona recognised the trio.
  “Mona, this is Max, FX and AB,” Lily introduced. “They say they need to talk to you about something.”
  “Your friend here tells us you help people with problems of a… weird nature, Mona,” said Max, in his strange parody of a baby’s gurgling voice. “We think you might be able to help us.”
  “Yeah, sure, but… but… who are you?” Mona stammered. “How can a baby talk like that, and what do you three have to do with the purple alien?”
  “That purple alien is an ambassador from my home planet,” said FX, in his strange nasal tones. “I come from the Planet Twinkle-Twinkle, and I’m supposed to be taking care of the Ambassador while he’s visiting Earth. Unfortunately, we’ve lost him!”
  “Yes, but how did he get here?” Mona asked. It was not the most pressing question about this situation, but it was the first one that sprang to mind.
  “We’re not sure exactly,” said FX. “All we know is…”
  “Wait a minute, FX,” cut in AB, the robot. “We still haven’t answered Mona’s question about just exactly who we are. We gather, Mona, that you are a good vampire who fights supernatural evil. We do something similar, except in outer space.”
  “So, you have a rocket ship?” Mona asked. Again, it was not the thing that she most wanted to have explained to her.
  “We can have any kind of rocket ship we want,” Max grinned, “thanks to FX.”
FX smiled modestly beneath his elongated nose. Fang had strolled into the room by this point, and he leapt up onto FX’s lap. The small green alien began to stroke the animal as he talked.
  “Beings from Twinkle-Twinkle have certain… abilities,” FX explained to Mona. “Some call them magic powers.”
  “Like you used on the pram earlier,” Mona nodded. “And the Ambassador must have used magic to get away so quickly that night he disappeared.”
  “It’s thanks to FX’s magic that Max can talk, and that I was brought to life,” explained AB. “That’s why we agreed to help FX look after the Ambassador until a meeting with the President of the USA had been arranged.”
  “Okay, I’m beginning to understand this,” Mona admitted. “You three are space adventurers, and you’re on an important rescue mission.”
  “That’s right,” Max nodded approvingly. “The King of Twinkle-Twinkle was very cross with FX when we told him that we’d lost the Ambassador, because he’s keen to get interplanetary talks between Earth and Twinkle-Twinkle underway. That’s why we came here, to get the Ambassador back, and we think that you can help us.”
  “But we still don’t know how the Ambassador ended up here,” said Lily. “How did you know where to find him?”
  “Well, the other day we’d all been having an afternoon nap in Max’s cot,” FX related. “When we woke up, we saw that a great big dimensional doorway had opened up in the corner of the room, and the Ambassador was being sucked into it. We followed him at once, but there was no sign of him when we came out on the other side.”
Fang had now climbed onto the back of the sofa and was batting idly at FX’s flapping antennae with his front paws, but the little alien did not seem to care.
  “The doorway was being controlled by a very strange creature,” Max added. “We could see it clearly through the dimensional vortex. It looked basically human, but it had alien antennae, a bit like FX’s, and this weird green spacesuit.”
  “It looked like a teenage boy dressed up as an alien to me,” remarked AB. “He had blond hair and glasses, I think.”
  “Oh, no!” groaned Mona and Lily. “Charley!”
  “You know this sorcerer?” FX queried, leaping to his feet, much to Fang’s surprise and annoyance.
  “Sure we know him,” said Mona. “But he’s not a sorcerer – he’s just very careless! We’ll find him right away and get to the bottom of this.”

Mervin was in such a hurry to escape Dottie’s wrath that he was not looking where he was going. He ran straight into a hard obstacle that halted his progress. He saw that it was a foot. He looked up and saw a bare leg, a black skirt, a red top and a glimpse of brown hair, and then he felt Mona’s hand grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and lifting him off the ground.
  “Oh, man, not again!” Mervin chattered in dismay.
  “Hello, Mervin,” Mona smiled disarmingly. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
Mervin noticed that Mona was accompanied by Lily, whom he recognised, as well as a pram full of three unfamiliar creatures. He had no desire to make this meeting any longer than it needed to be.
  “Hey, leave me alone, Mona,” Mervin whined. “I’m not doing any harm.”
  “I’m sure you’re not,” Mona allowed him, tightening her grip. “But you always know when something’s going down around these parts. Have you seen Zapman recently?”
  “Sure, I’ve seen him,” Mervin replied in aggrieved tones, “and his cruel floozy. She held my head underwater for ages!”
  “What were they up to?” Mona asked Mervin urgently. “Where were they?”
  “They were trying to find some purple alien,” Mervin replied. “I sent them in the direction of the city dump. Now let me go!”
Mona dropped Mervin and he scurried away.
  “What could Charley be up to?” Lily mused. “What does he want with the Ambassador?”
  “Whatever Charley’s trying to do, the chances are we need to stop him before he manages to do it,” said Mona gravely.

When Mona and her companions arrived at the dump, they were just in time to see Charley boldly facing the alien ambassador across a pile of rubbish. Dottie was standing close behind Charley. Before Mona could react to the situation, Charley opened out the comic that he was holding in his hands. There was a crackle of blue lightning, and the Ambassador disappeared.
  “Charley!” Mona cried out. “No!”
  “Mona?” Charley queried, whirling around in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
  “Hunting for that purple alien, same as you,” Mona replied urgently. “Where did it go?”
  “Ah, you don’t have to worry about that, Mona,” Charley beamed confidently. “I’ve sent the alien scum back into the comic book world whence he came. He won’t bother us anymore.”
  “You’ve done what!” Mona exclaimed in alarm. “Damn it, Charley, you’ve screwed up the whole operation yet again! How could you send the Ambassador of Twinkle-Twinkle into a comic book world? Now we’ll have to get him out again!”
  “But… but…” Charley stammered in dismay. “I thought…”
  “Are we to understand,” Dottie cut in coolly, “that you didn’t want that purple alien disposed of, Mona?”
  “Of course I didn’t!” Mona fumed. “He’s supposed to be having a very important meeting of intergalactic significance – that’s why Max, FX and AB have come to look for him.”
Charley looked into the pram in awe. FX and Max were glaring back at him.
  “You were the one who stole the Ambassador away from us!” Max declaimed, pointing a stubby finger at Charley. “Now you’ve lost him too!”
  “I… I didn’t mean to bring him here,” Charley bemoaned. “I was trying to do a spell to locate the Medjai warriors, but it went wrong. I didn’t realise the alien was an ambassador – I thought it was trying to take over the town like the ones in the comic, and that’s why I sent it back. I’m sorry, Mona.”
  “Well, this explains a lot, anyway,” said Lily. “But now the Ambassador is trapped in a comic book world. We’ll have to get him out.”
  “I think it would be best if just us three went,” said FX. “We’ll go into the comic and see how the land lies, then come back and tell you if we need any further help.”
  “Fine by me,” Mona agreed readily. “Honestly, Charley…”
  “You know, Mona, it was my idea to send the alien back into the comic,” Dottie intervened. “Charley’s not completely to blame.”
  “Nonsense!” Mona spat. “He should never have brought the alien here in the first place, then none of this would be happening.”
  “But given that it is, hadn’t we better get on with it?” AB suggested. “You’d better whip us up a rocket ship, Max.”
  “Right, AB,” Max agreed, and he clambered out of the pram and toddled towards the nearest pile of garbage.
  “What’s he doing?” asked Charley.
  “If you pay attention to what’s going on for once, you might find out,” Mona replied bitingly.
Max sculpted a small model spaceship out of bits of old rubbish he found lying around. It really was very impressive, but Mona and her friends could not imagine how it could be expected to transport anyone anywhere. They soon found out.
  “There, that should do it,” Max said approvingly, stepping back. “If you’d do the honours, FX.”
FX and AB joined Max in front of the model spaceship. FX’s antennae curled around one another, stars and sparks shot from them, and FX pronounced his magic words.
  “Rocket and Roll!”
The spaceship grew to twenty times its original size; metal plates and glass portholes replaced the sculpted rubbish. When the impressive rocket ship was fully formed, Max, FX and AB stepped inside. As it rose into the air, Charley held his comic open before him. The spaceship headed straight towards this, there was a flash of blue light as the portal was activated, and then the ship was gone.
  “I hope they can rescue the Ambassador,” said Lily.
  “So do I,” Mona sighed. “And to think this all could have been over by now if only…”
Mona turned on her heel and stalked away, with Lily close behind her. Charley mooched dejectedly away in the direction of his own home. Dottie started to go after him, but she stayed her feet after a couple of steps, before heading off in a different direction.

When Mona got home, she slumped straight down on the sofa and sighed heavily. As if it weren’t enough of a headache for her to have Nicole and Alex on her back, now Charley had made her responsible for a lost alien ambassador. Problems always seemed to bombard her all at once. Fang, however, was less worried about the situation, it seemed. He stalked into the room and looked up at Mona expectantly.
  “Oh, Fang, I haven’t fed you, have I?” Mona sighed. “All right, let’s go and see what we can find.”
Fang followed Mona into the kitchen and fawned around her legs. Mona opened a cupboard and looked at the tins of cat food that were waiting there.
  “Now, we’ve got chicken and turkey or rabbit and game,” Mona mused, and she turned to address her pet. “Which one would you prefer, Fang?”
Fang opened his mouth, and Mona expected to hear his usual indignant mew. Instead, there came from Fang’s mouth, to Mona’s intense surprise and alarm, a hissing parody of a human voice.
  “I don’t care which!” Fang exclaimed petulantly. “Just hurry up and feed me!”
Mona’s mouth dropped open wide and she clutched at the kitchen counter for support. She stared incredulously at the small animal on the floor in front of her, who was still looking up expectantly.
  “Fang?” Mona boggled. “What…? What…? Did you just say something?”
  “I said I want you to hurry up and feed me!” Fang hissed impatiently. “Just get out the first tin you see!”
  “Jesus Christ, Fang, you’re talking!” Mona cried shrilly. “How…?”
  “Whoa, hold on a minute here, Mona,” said Fang. “Are you saying that you can understand what I’m saying?”
  “Yes!” Mona squeaked.
  “Then why haven’t you fed me yet?” Fang growled. “If you’ve finally managed to work out how to understand me after all these years, why aren’t you taking any notice of what I’m saying?”
Mona absently spooned out some cat food into a bowl and set it onto the floor, all the time staring in disbelief at the loquacious cat.
  “Ah, about time,” Fang said agreeably. “I’m so hungry!”
Fang began to gorge himself, but when the first pangs of hunger had been satisfied he looked up at Mona, who was still staring at him.
  “You know, Mona, I feel very uncomfortable having my supper with you gaping at me,” the cat told her accusingly. “Give a guy some space, huh?”
  “I’m sorry, it’s just… you’re talking, Fang!” Mona exclaimed. “How can you be talking?”
  “I talk all the time,” Fang replied.
  “But I’ve never been able to understand you before!”
  “Well, I’ve always been able to understand you. I figured you’d learn to do the same for me eventually.”
  “No, there’s more to it than that,” Mona was sure. “You’re speaking English!”
  “Hmm, I suppose things are a little different,” Fang admitted. “These words I’m saying – I know what they mean, but I’ve never heard myself say them in this way before. And you, Mona – I’m understanding the individual words you’re saying; that’s never happened before.”
  “You see!” Mona exclaimed. “You’re talking English, Fang, like me! But how?”
  “We must discuss this further,” Fang told her, “after my meal.”
  “Yes, of course, I’ll…” Mona faltered. “I’ll wait for you in the living room.”
Fang smiled amicably and returned to his meal. Stunned and numb at being ordered around by her cat, Mona left the kitchen.

As she sat on the sofa waiting for Fang to finish his meal, Mona felt most disconcerted. True enough, she had seen things that would make most people go crazy… done things that would make most people go crazy. Yet she had never expected in her wildest dreams that Fang would start talking to her. She had always been able to accept a world with ghosts and monsters in it, but not one where her own pet cat began talking to her in plain English. Soon enough, Fang wandered into the room, leapt up onto the sofa and settled his large green eyes squarely on Mona.
  “So,” he began in his hissing tones, “what’s going on here?”
  “I don’t know,” Mona puzzled. “Somehow you’ve developed the ability to speak English like a human being. But…”
  “This is hard for me to comprehend,” Fang complained. “To hear these strange words coming out of my mouth without my meaning to form them – I didn’t notice it when it first happened, but now it feels very weird. And to hear you talking in the same language, which I can fully understand…”
  “You said that you’ve always understood what I’ve said to you,” Mona reminded her pet.
  “Oh, I have, but not by the individual words you were saying,” Fang told her. “It was more… how you were saying them. I know, for example, that you are worried about flitting between your human and vampire forms so much, and I know you think it stops you from aging so quickly and you don’t know how to feel about that fact. I know that you’re worried about Alex O’Connell finding out that you let Imhotep go free, and I know that you’re concerned about the reappearance of Nicole, the Vampire Hunter.”
  “Wow,” Mona marvelled. “You really did pick up everything I’ve been saying to you.”
  “We cats are very sensitive creatures,” Fang replied languidly. “Oh, is that how you say cat in English? I never knew that. Cat. C-A-T. I am a cat.”
  “More to the point, you’re a talking cat,” Mona pointed out. “This is going to take some getting used to. I’m beginning to feel like Sabrina the Teenage Witch.”
  “Do you know how this happened?” Fang asked suddenly.
  “No, I don’t,” Mona shrugged. “I’m sure it can’t be part of an evil plot against me, and yet… it opens up a whole new world of possibilities, doesn’t it, Fang? We can chat about all the fantastic adventures we’ve had together.”
  “You leave me here for most of them,” Fang pouted. “Besides, I’d rather talk about that time you took me to the vet and he pressed my delicate place.”
  “Oh yes, and you pissed all over the table,” Mona laughed.
  “It was most embarrassing,” Fang bristled.
  “I’m sorry, Fang, but you had salt crystals in your urine,” Mona explained. “Your bladder would have exploded if we hadn’t done anything about it.”
  “Ah, so that’s why I was having difficulty passing water,” Fang nodded, idly scratching an ear with a hind leg. “I see. There is much more we should discuss, Mona.”
  “It’s so odd being able to talk to you like this,” Mona smiled wryly. “Odd, but nice. Honestly, first I find myself talking to a baby who can speak fluent English and then… hey, wait a minute! Max can talk, just like you.”
  “Well, he’s supposed to, isn’t he?” Fang replied with dignity. “He’s a human. It’s much more remarkable for me to be doing it.”
  “Yes, but he shouldn’t be able to speak so well until he’s older,” Mona explained. “The reason he can talk is because he fiddled around with FX’s antennae, and got a dose of his magic. When FX was here earlier, you were batting his antennae around, weren’t you?”
  “I couldn’t help myself,” Fang admitted. “They were so long and dangly…”
  “That’s how it happened!” Mona exclaimed. “FX’s magic entered your body, and made you able to speak, just like Max.”
  “Oh, I see,” Fang accepted. “Well, it’s funny how things turn out, isn’t it? Right, let’s discuss some other things I’ve had on my mind for a while. When you go to your tray in the middle of the night, why do you always take your pyjama trousers off in bed and leave them there while you’re away?”
  “It’s so I’m forced to get out of bed,” Mona explained. “If I leave my trousers on I can’t be bothered to get up and go, so I have to take them off first in order to stir myself into getting out of bed. But what about you? Why do you always lie on my clean clothes if I leave them on my bed?”
And so Mona and Fang talked long into the night, which was a unique experience for them both.

Despite having been up half the night, Mona managed to awaken early the next morning. She had been thinking hard, and had made a daring decision.
  “Mona?” Fang said sleepily, stretching himself out and clawing at the bedclothes. “Are you going somewhere?”
Mona looked over from her wardrobe, where she was just pulling her skirt over her ankles. She seemed embarrassed at her half-dressed state, and Fang smiled wryly.
  “You don’t have to worry about showing me your pants,” the cat remarked. “I’ve seen everything before.”
  “I’m sorry,” Mona apologised. “I guess it’s going to take me a while to get used to this change in you, Fang. Yes, I am going somewhere. I’ve been having a long think about Imhotep, and I’ve decided to go and warn him that Alex and the Medjai are on his trail.”
  “Risky,” Fang remarked. “Particularly as you might unwittingly reveal the Dream Caverns to any Medjai warriors that might be lurking nearby.”
  “I know,” Mona agreed. “That’s why I’m sneaking out early to do it. But sooner or later, Alex is sure to work out how Imhotep escaped. I’ve got to make sure Imhotep’s prepared for the worst.”
  “You’re acting like you want to protect him,” Fang remarked. “Have you forgotten that he’s evil?”
  “I haven’t forgotten anything,” Mona frowned. “But I don’t think Imhotep’s evil – I don’t think he can be judged in such black and white terms.”
  “Well, please be careful,” Fang warned. “You’re really taking your life in your hands this time, Mona.”
  “I’ll be fine,” Mona was certain. “You just go back to sleep, Fang, and don’t worry about me.”
Fang made no further comment about the situation, and went back to sleep almost immediately. Mona finished getting dressed, stole from the house, and entered the Dream Caverns via Mrs Bryerson’s back gate.