Too Fast, Too FuriousTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XLV: TOO FAST, TOO FURIOUSBy Jake CollinsHelga stared lovingly at Arnold over the top of the large Pacific Coast Road Atlas he was studying. Yes, this shouldnt be too hard, Arnold mused. We can join the freeway at the top of Vine Street here, and then get off at this exit just north of Portland. Once were there, your Internet map will do the rest. It sure will, Helga smiled dreamily. You know, Arnold, I always dreamed that you and I would take a road trip someday. I just cant wait for the two of us to get out there on the open road! Well, itll only take about six hours, Arnold reminded her. Its not like were gonna have time to experience all the usual road trip clichés, like eating at a diner and then checking into some sleazy motel for the night. Shame, Helga sighed wistfully.
Grandpa vs the Medical BoardTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XLIV: GRANDPA VS THE WASHINGTON STATE MEDICAL BOARDBy Jake CollinsArnold was woken by the resounding crash of something heavy being dropped in the first-floor hallway below. He pulled himself out of bed, staggered over to the door, and stumbled downstairs to investigate. What the hell
? Arnold boggled, when he saw what was going on.Grandpa was hauling a large filing cabinet up the final few stairs from the ground floor, being aided somewhat ineffectually by a stranger in a sharp blue suit. Arnold baulked inwardly at the sight of a man who was pushing both ninety and a very heavy piece of office furniture. He ran down to help. For Christs sake, Grandpa, let me take that! Arnold exclaimed in alarm, as he squirmed in between his grandfather and the filing cabinet and took most of its weight against his shoulder. Thanks, Short Man, Grandpa wheezed gratefully, leaning back a
The Josh FactorTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XLIII: THE JOSH FACTORBy Jake CollinsThe time was five oclock on a Sunday morning, and most of the residents of the city of Hillwood were sound asleep in their beds. However, Helga Pataki and Josh Gibson, the two youngest members of the Auxiliary Division of the Hillwood Police Department, were both very much awake. They were standing outside a vacant two-storey maisonette in one of the citys more affluent areas, watching the first tinges of blue engulf the morning sky. I do love a nice sunrise, Josh sighed contentedly. Very romantic. If you say so, Helga replied casually. Isnt this guy supposed to be here by now? We agreed five oclock, Josh shrugged. Hell be here soon, Im sure. This apartment belongs to Helmut Van Buren, whos currently vacationing in Aspen, Helga chuckled. W