The Lord of Dreams, Part 1

MONA THE VAMPIRE: THE LORD OF DREAMS
By Jake Collins

Mona Parker knew that she was different from all the many other kids in her school. It wasn't that she was denied any of the usual chances in life, or given any extra ones. It was just that she was a vampire. Not that she wasn't a regular ten-year-old as well, mind you. She didn't drink people's blood, turn into a bat or sleep in a coffin. She didn't burn particularly easily in the sun or find garlic particularly revolting. It was just that she had a link with the dark dimension of evil which existed within her town. Lover of all things spooky and macabre, when she donned her vampire fangs and kitchen-curtains-cape, she knew that she had transformed into Mona the Vampire, fighter of ghosts and monsters everywhere. When they emerged from the not-so-distant netherworld to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting town, it was up to Mona to tackle them, defeat them, and consign them to imprisonment in her magic Book of the Slimy. With her vampire bolts, undead strength and copious knowledge of all things supernatural, Mona was a terrifying foe for any creepy-crawly-slimy thing that crossed her path.
But Mona was not without allies. As well as her faithful brown cat and sidekick Fang, Mona's two best friends, Lily Duncan and Charley Bones, were always on hand to help out. Donning their superhero costumes, they too proved worthy foes for any beast from beyond the grave. Putting on her blond wig and high heels, the usually gentle and passive Lily became Princess Giant, and the bespectacled computer expert Charley put on his green alien costume to become Zapman, master of all things that zap. Together, Charley, Lily, Fang and Mona were the town's only defence from the great danger that lurked within its shadows.
One Monday morning at school, Mona was telling the class all about her eventful weekend.
"Then the werewolf leapt from the bushes and tackled me to the ground!" Mona proclaimed. "He was snarling and growling and his breath smelled foul…"
"Thank you, Mona" said Miss Gotto, the teacher. "That’s enough."
Angela, Mona's arch-nemesis, scowled and leaned over towards her unwilling underdog, George.
"Listen to her!" she spat. "Making up these stupid stories. I hate her."
"But why?" George queried. "It's not doing you any harm. I think you're just jealous of all the attention she's getting."
"Shut up, George!" Angela snapped. "You don't know anything anyway. I hate Mona and I want to make her suffer. Every time I try to ruin her stupid vampire schemes she gets the better of me and it all blows up in my face!"
"Perhaps she's cleverer than you are" George suggested.
"She is not cleverer than me!" yelled Angela.
"Angela!" Miss Gotto scolded her. "How dare you shout in class like that! Go to Principal Shawbly's office immediately."
Angela was fuming as she left the room. She whispered to Mona as she walked by.
"This is the last straw, Ms. Vampire" she hissed. "I'll get you for this!"
Later, Mona, Fang, Charley and Lily were walking home together.
"Angela sure was cross after she got sent out of the classroom" Charley said. "I wonder why she hates us so much."
"She's jealous of my supernatural powers" Mona replied flatly. "All heroes have a nemesis; Angela's mine. By the way, don't forget to join Fang and me for our MGM at eight o' clock tonight."
"Sure thing" said Lily. "The Monthly General Meeting is vital if we're going to keep track of the monsters in this town."
"Darn right" Mona said. "Don't be late, will you?"
Mona was the boss, and they knew it. All of a sudden, Fang hissed and arched his back.
"What is it, Fang?" asked Mona.
Her question was answered as Angela stepped from the shadows to meet them.
"Oh look, it's the Scooby Gang" she jeered.
"Go away, Angela," said Mona. "No one wants to talk to you."
"You will pay for what happened to me today!" Angela threatened as she pointed at Mona. "I don't deserve to be treated like that; my family's rich!"
"You shouldn't have been talking in class then" Mona retorted. "C'mon, guys, let's go."
Angela watched the four of them walk away. George slunk up to join her.
"There you are" she greeted him roughly. "Did you get it?"
George handed her a hefty tome from the school library.
"Arcane Spells and Curses" read Angela. "Good. Now Mona will regret messing with me."
"You don't really believe those things work, do you?" asked George.
"Of course not!" scoffed Angela, rubbing her hands with glee. "But Mona does. When we crash their meeting tonight we'll show them who controls the supernatural dangers in this town."
The storm raged in the half-light of dusk outside Mona's bedroom window. Mona the Vampire sat at her desk, completing an entry in her diary. She thought it was very important to keep meticulous records of her escapades so that others could read about them.
"After all" Mona told Fang, who was loyally watching her. "It's only by studying the heroics of others that you can hope to become a hero."
Fang purred as he rubbed himself against Mona's legs. Then lightning struck outside and Fang meowed in fright as he shot under the desk to cower in fear.
"Oh, Fang!" scolded Mona. "A vampire sidekick shouldn't be afraid of a little storm. Why can't you be more brave?"
The doorbell sounded downstairs and Mona heard her father welcome in Charley and Lily. Soon enough, the stairs creaked and her door opened.
"Hi, Zapman, hi, Princess Giant" Mona greeted them as she swivelled round in her chair. "Come and sit down."
Charley and Lily sat on the carpet and looked up at Mona expectantly.
"Now, to business" said Mona. "The MGM is in session. Apologies first, I think. Anyone?"
"I think we're all here, actually" noticed Lily.
"Right" said Mona. "Next item: potential new supernatural dangers in town. Zapman?"
"Two possible sightings in my sector" reported Charley. "Mysterious localised disappearances of manhole covers in the area and a spiritually-animated privet hedge in my neighbour's garden which leans over the fence and keeps taking bites out of me."
"Princess Giant?"
"One or two in my sec..." Lily began, but was cut short by a violent rapping at the door.
"Who is it?" called Mona, somewhat annoyed.
To everyone's surprise, Angela burst into the room. She was red in the face and looked very tired. She was out of breath and had obviously been running.
"Oh, Mona!" she cried. "You have to help me."
"Me? Help you?"
"Yes!" Angela panted. "There's some squelchy, slimy monster roaming the streets. It's got George!"
"What, for real?" piped up Charley eagerly.
"Of course it's real!" snapped Angela.
"Wait a minute," said Mona dubiously. "You've just come here to make fun of us and waste our time, haven't you?"
"No, no, it's really out there!" Angela screamed, running over to Mona and clutching at her collar. "You’ve got to help me!"
"Okay, we'll take a look" agreed Mona reluctantly. "But you'd better be telling the truth."
The four of them left the room. Disturbed, Fang got up and cantered after them. They all went out into the dark street. Angela screamed and pointed at something. Sure enough, a dark shape was looming up the street towards them. Two piercing eyes glowed in the dark.
"Whoa!" exclaimed Lily. "What is that?"
"Looks like some kind of humanoid entity" noted Mona. "Fascinating."
"Mona the Vampire!" The being's voice was a tinny, echoing wail. "For your crimes against my kind, it is my duty to make you pay. You are to be sent to a place where there are so many of us that even you cannot survive!"
"It's chanting a spell!" exclaimed Charley.
"What shall we do?" fretted Lily.
"It's making the first move!" cried Mona. "They never make the first move; I do!"
"Looks like there really is a first time for everything" sneered Angela.
"You inhuman abomination!" Mona spat at her. "I'll teach you to mess with Mona the Vampire."
Mona leapt at Angela, who covered her face in a gesture of protection. But the attack didn't come. Angela looked up to see a huge whirling void, into which Mona, Charley, Lily and Fang were being sucked.
"Aah!" she cried. "George, you idiot, what have you done?!"
"Sorry" said George, as he shed his disguise. "The spell seems to have worked."
"Worked!" screamed Angela. "What do you mean worked?"
"It was real," said George. "They've gone."
"Oh God!" cried Angela. "What have I done?!"
Mona felt soft ground under her head. She dragged herself to her feet, and looked around. Charley, Lily and Fang were lying nearby. They appeared to be at the edge of a forest. It was still night. Far in the distance, through the forest, Mona could see a mountain with a majestic castle on its peak. The others were beginning to stir.
"That Angela" cursed Mona. "Look what she's done!"
"What'll we do?" panicked Lily. "We've never been in this much of a fix before."
"Yeah" said Charley. "We don't have any way of knowing where we are."
Mona's mind was on other things.
"How strange that Angela and George had the intelligence and will to work a spell" she mused. "I wonder if they even know where they've sent us."
"I wonder where they have sent us," Charley said.
"I believe I can answer that" came a voice from nowhere. Fang's back arched and he stiffened as a figure materialised amongst them. He wore robes of red and a medallion of gold, and his white hair and beard were streaked with red. "This is Knightmare."
"It sure is!" said Lily with feeling.
"My stars!" exclaimed the newcomer. "It's Mona the Vampire. It is indeed an honour to meet you; Hordriss the Confuser, at your service."
"How do you know me?" asked Mona, perplexed.
"Your works do not go unnoticed" Hordriss told her. "We in Knightmare are great admirers of yours. Knightmare is a world of fantasy and illusion, inhabited by creatures of myth. This is just a part of it. The mainframe is that fortress over there. Once it was called Dunshelm, but now it's more usually known as Knightmare Castle."
"Wow!" Mona exclaimed eagerly. "How exciting."
"Who are these people you bring with you?" asked Hordriss, seeming to notice the others for the first time.
"My staunch allies" Mona explained. "Zapman, Princess Giant and Fang."
"You are all welcome" smiled Hordriss. "What brings you to this world?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, we really aren't meant to be here" Mona said. "You see, my arch-nemesis Angela sent us here for revenge because she thinks it's my fault that she got told off in school today."
"Oh dear" Hordriss sympathised. "How unfortunate for you."
"Can we go home, then?" asked Lily hopefully.
"Not just like that, I'm afraid " Hordriss replied. "You say you were brought here by magic?"
"Yes."
"Interesting. One would not attempt to worry you, but I think it's quite possible that that means that you will be affected by the physical laws of the realm."
"What do you mean?" asked Mona.
"Well" said Hordriss, stroking his beard. "I know that in your world your costumes are only for show, but here they may well cause you to become what you imagine you can become."
"You mean I'm a real vampire?!" Mona exclaimed. "Wow!"
"It seems to me that we need to get you home" Hordriss went on. "You cannot survive in this state between dimensions for long."
"Can you get us home?" asked Charley.
"Sadly, despite one's arcane powers, one cannot" Hordriss admitted.
"Then who can?" asked Mona. "Who's in charge around here?"
"Your only hope is The Lord of Dreams," Hordriss told them.
"Where is he?"
"He lives in Knightmare Castle. If you are to find him, you must first traverse Fetlock Forest. But be warned: it is not only a forest, but also a sanctuary for all sorts of faerie creatures of both benign and malign intent. The only way to get through safely is by following the elf paths, so you may well step into the realm of the elf kin. Elves are tricky and treacherous, so keep your wits about you. I suggest you try to make the castle before sunrise; Mona may not appreciate the gift of daybreak as she usually does. Remember, the darkest hour is just before dawn. When you get to the castle, enter by the southern door. If you call for me, I will assist you in traversing the dungeons to find the Lord of Dreams. My calling name is Malefact. You must call clearly three times, then I will appear. Now, do you understand?"
They all nodded.
"Very well then. Good luck."
Hordriss disappeared in a flash of lightning. Mona turned to her friends. They saw that she was smiling.
"Well, Zapman, Princess Giant, Fang" she said to them. "Are you up to this adventure?"
"I guess," said Lily, slightly nervously. "But we've never done anything like this before. How're we gonna do it?"
"The same way we always do," said Mona. "By knowing our enemy and staying several steps ahead of him."
Mona strode into the forest, Charley following and Fang loyally padding along behind. With slightly more apprehension than usual, Lily set off after them.
Fetlock Forest was a dark, cold, forbidding place. The bushes rustled on either side of the elfin path. Bringing up the rear, Lily felt sure that she could feel something breathing down her neck. A shape fluttered from the darkness towards them and screeched as it flew over her head. She screamed, and the noise reverberated around the forest like a banshee's wail.
"Don't be scared," said Mona, watching the animal land on a branch up ahead. "It's only a bat."
They continued along the path, shimmering silvery light showing them the way.
"I don't understand" ventured Charley. "Why is this path all lit up?"
"Because it's an elf path" Mona explained. "The elves have made it to show travellers the way through the forest without stepping into their realm; they hate intruders, you see, and by keeping to their paths we can be sure to find the way out. Of course, others may want us to stray from the path, and there's nothing to stop them from walking it to do so. If we step off the path we can quite easily become lost in the never-ending depths of the wildwood, never to find the way out."
"Well let's stay on the path then" said Lily.
"Obviously we'll do our best" said Mona. "But there might..."
She was cut short by another scream from Lily. They swung round to see that she had been grabbed by a winding, sinuous tree branch. In a split second, she was dragged off her feet and pulled into the depths of the forest.
"After her!" Mona cried, ploughing into the midst of the trees.
"B-but..." stammered Charley. "The path!"
"We have to save Princess Giant!" called back Mona. "Come on!"
Charley and Fang followed her. Through endless trees they ducked and dived, following the flitting blur that was Lily. After what seemed like an age, they emerged into a clearing. There stood a colossal hollow tree, but it was emitting an eerie screeching and had a gnarled face, all of whose orifices were glowing green. Many branches sprouted from its hollow top, all of which were winding in and out of one another. Trapped in one of these, Lily was being pulled closer to the thing's mouth.
"A dryad!" Mona exclaimed. "Quick, zap it, Zapman!"
Charley took out his zap gun. Although a toy at home, in Knightmare it became a deadly weapon. The dryad screamed in pain as the energy rays made contact, but still it kept hold of Lily.
"Keep zapping!" ordered Mona, and she leapt onto the branch that was holding Lily. She held a piece in her hands and sank her fangs into it. She retched at the foul taste of the sap, but tore at the branch until it broke off, releasing Lily. The dryad tried to grab for them with its other branches, but Charley turned his gun to full power. With a bellowing scream, the tree exploded.
"Whoa, thanks" said Lily. "What a horrible creature!"
They crowded around the steaming hole, aromas of burning leaf-litter overpowering them.
"That dryad has drawn us into the heart of the wildwood" Mona realised. "Goodness knows how we're going to get out of here."
"You cannot escape from the wildwood."
The voice was a whisper on the wind.
"Who's there?" called Charley, anxiously.
A tall figure appeared in front of them. Dressed in satin robes and armed with a spear of ice, he appeared to float on a blanket of leaves.
"I am Sir Linden, a knight of the Elf King" he proclaimed. "You have entered the realm of the elf kin. You must die!"
"Why?" asked Mona.
"Why?" repeated the stranger, stumped. "Because Arawn says so!"
"Well, Sir Linden, you can tell Arawn that it's time to change his laws" said Mona.
She bolted off in the direction from which they'd come, the others following fast behind.
"Stop!" cried Linden as he gave chase. "Your death has been commanded! Stop, in the name of the Elf King!"
Scouring the forest ahead of her, Mona soon found what she was looking for.
"A crossroads!" she cried. "Come on!"
They emerged onto a crossing of two forest tracks, deserted save a single thrown horseshoe. Mona planted herself in the middle of the cross.
"Now we're safe enou..." she began, but then stopped short and fell to the ground.
"What's going on?!" squeaked Lily.
"It's the sign of the cross" realised Charley. "Mona must have meant it to confuse the elf, but..."
"...she forgot that it's even more harmful to vampires" Linden finished as he appeared, grinning with evil glee. "Excellent!"
He crept over towards Mona, his spear raised.
"In the name of Arawn, die!" he cried, but he stopped short as he felt a pain in his leg.
"Aah!" he cried. "It burns!"
Charley and Lily looked down to see Mona pressing the horseshoe to the elf's ankle. Rushing forward, Charley took it from her and flung it into Linden's face.
"Curse you, mortals!" he cried, before disappearing in a flash of lightning.
Charley and Lily helped Mona to stand up.
"Why did the horseshoe hurt him?" asked Charley.
"Didn't you wonder why his spear was made of ice and not steel?" Mona replied. "Faerie beings can't stand the touch of iron."
"Well, great, but how do we get out of here?" asked Lily.
"We'd better follow one of these paths and see where it goes" said Mona.
"But which one?" asked Charley.
"Justice lies on the right," said Mona. "Come on, this way!"
The track led back to the elf path, much to everyone's relief. Soon enough, they reached the edge of the forest.
"Hooray!" cried Lily. "We made it."
She rushed to the final line of trees, beyond which Knightmare Castle was visible. A glittering golden path led towards the fortress, so the four companions followed it out of the forest and up the mountain, right to the great wooden doors of Knightmare Castle.
"Are they open?" asked Lily.
"One way to find out" said Charley.
He pushed one and it flew open, revealing a stone room beyond, which began to light up.
"What's doing that?" wondered Lily.
"Daylight!" realised Charley. "The sun's coming up already!"
"But it was pitch black a moment ago!" exclaimed Lily.
"The darkest hour is just before dawn" remembered Mona. "Come on, let's get inside."
Charley, Lily and Fang went in, but Mona could not.
"Oh no!" she cried.
"What are you doing?" asked Lily, surprised.
"I've just remembered," said Mona, as she felt the ultraviolet rays begin to burn into her back. "I can't come in unless I'm invited."
"Hordriss!" exclaimed Charley. "But how do we..."
"Call three times!" cried Mona with urgency.
"Malefact, Malefact, Malefact!" yelled Lily with confidence.
Hordriss appeared in a blinding flash.
"Ah, you made it" he smiled. "Capital. Goodness me, girl, what are you doing out there in the sunlight; you'll burn to death! For Heaven's sake, come in!"
Mona slammed the door behind her as she collapsed over the threshold.
The room was made entirely of stone. There was a large ornate fireplace to one side, beside which stood a wooden chair. In addition to the entrance door there was another dark portal on the opposite wall, and a large octagonal wooden table with three large wooden stools. Hordriss indicated that they should sit on these, which they did. He turned the larger chair to face them and sat down. Fang curled up in front of the fire.
"Welcome" said Hordriss. "To the Great Hall of Knightmare Castle. Congratulations on getting this far."
"What do you mean this far?" asked Lily. "You mean we have to go further?"
Hordriss nodded, and gazed into the fire.
"Up until about six years ago, a great many knights errant came to this place to test their mettle," he said, half as if to himself. "The Lord of Dreams would receive them here, and send them on a quest through the dungeons to try and earn the silver spurs of squiredom."
"Sounds exciting" Mona enthused.
"Yes indeed" Hordriss agreed. "And due to the magic of the Dungeon, nothing ever stayed the same; rooms and people shifted and changed, even this very hall, and the Lord of Dreams himself."
"What about you?" asked Mona.
"One has been here for eleven years" Hordriss recalled. "I was quite a nasty piece of work when I arrived, mainly because I did not acknowledge the difference between good and evil."
"But you do now?"
"One could not help it when one met Lord Fear!" said Hordriss with feeling. "What an evil fiend he is."
"What's all this got to do with us getting home?" asked Lily.
"One is coming to that!" puffed up Hordriss. "Anyway, since adventurers stopped coming, the Dungeon remained pretty much unchanged. Until last January!"
"Ah, the Millennium," smiled Mona. "Most important in supernatural circles."
"Indeed" nodded Hordriss. "Since then the Dungeon has been going through a kind of time warp; rooms and denizens from bygone years come and go every day, and nothing is ever the same; it makes me so nostalgic."
"I guess, then, that the Dungeon's magic is unstable" said Mona. "And the Lord of Dreams has situated himself in its heart as a power-centre to try and keep it together."
"Exactly!" Hordriss said. "You have cut me to the quick, Mona. Our Master Wizard, Merlin, says that the Dungeon should stop shifting in a few months, but until then the Lord of Dreams must stay in the deepest depths of his dungeons."
"I assumed that you were the Master Wizard" Charley said casually.
"I'm a mage," Hordriss said haughtily.
"Wait a second," said Lily. "Does that mean we're going to have to get through the Dungeon to reach the Lord of Dreams?"
"You're no fools" Hordriss commented. "That's right; all three levels."
"How're we going to survive?" Lily cried.
"The same way you did in the wildwood" said Hordriss, turning his eyes to Mona. "The same way you always do."
"Me?" asked Mona, taken aback. "With my supernatural knowledge?"
"Of course!" exclaimed Charley. "You know all about this stuff."
"Keep your wits about you and I have no doubt you'll make it" smiled Hordriss. "Your love of the macabre equips you perfectly for this; use it."
"Okay!" agreed Mona, exhilarated. "Let's do it!"
"You must journey through levels one, two and three" Hordriss told them. "The Lord of Dreams will be waiting for you to reach him, and he will send you home. To succeed, you may have to use magic, which you will find or be given. Remember, to invoke a spell you must call out Spellcasting, followed by the letters of the spell in the right order. If you need to cancel it, call out dispel followed by the letters of the spell in the wrong order. Press on by any means possible, and look out for faerie enemies, but also potential allies. And remember this: the only way is onward; there is no turning back. There lies your way!"
Hordriss pointed to the dark portal. Mona, Fang, Charley and Lily steeled themselves in front of it, ready for the off.
"The best of luck to you" said Hordriss. "Now, face the Dungeon door, and step boldly forward."
As the four stepped forward, the blackness swallowed them up and bore them towards their first challenge.
They found themselves walking along a low tunnel of stone.
"Hmm, very interesting," said Mona as she looked around. "A dwarf tunnel."
"What's that?" asked Lily.
"Oh, just something that dwarfs build as part of their mine workings" answered Mona casually.
Their first Dungeon chamber contained a pit in the middle and four doors at the far end. Suspended above the pit was an iron grating, and on the floor in front of them was a luminous outline of a simple arched bridge shape.
"This must be one of the chambers Hordriss mentioned," said Charley. "It looks like some kind of... challenge."
"Yes" agreed Mona. "And not a very difficult one, by the looks of it. Doubtless the Dungeon is full of tasks like this for its challengers to complete. By treading on this luminous outline, we should be able to bridge the pit."
"Why is it so uncomplicated?" wondered Lily.
"This is level one," said Charley. "The first level of testing. I guess things are easier here than things in level two, that's all."
"Right" said Mona. "So let's do it."
As she walked across the symbol, the iron grating heaved itself down to form a bridge. Mona carried Fang across, due to the holes in the grate, and the others followed behind.
"Which way now?" wondered Lily.
"Far right" said Mona. "That should always be our strategy unless there's another clue."
They were again swallowed up by the blackness and it sucked them into another room.
The next chamber seemed to be a cave that contained the entrance to a mine, with a minecart set on the rails just outside. There was no other obvious exit.
"This must be where that dwarf tunnel originated," said Mona.
"I guess," said Lily. "But how do we get out? I don't much fancy the look of that mineshaft!"
Before Mona could answer, a shout caught their attention.
"Oi! You three! Stop right there."
It was spoken in a rough northern accent by a dwarf who had come out from behind the minecart.
"Rule violation" stated the little man. "Category A stroke B! Name yourselves!"
"Mona the Vampire, Fang, Zapman and Princess Giant" said Mona curtly. "Who are you?"
"My name's Bumptious, for all that it's your business" said the dwarf gruffly. "And I must tell you that we can't have vampires, princesses and, erm... whatever the heck you're supposed to be, Sonny, just wandering onto an official mining site of HoGG. I suppose you're here to challenge the Dungeon?"
"That's right!" piped up Lily.
"Well you'll have to stand trial if you want to get out of here" Bumptious told them.
"What sort of trial?" demanded Mona.
"Under Category A stroke two paragraph B, I hereby declare this tribunal open!" stated Bumptious importantly. "Right, first question. We all know that dwarfs are great miners. Of course, Walt Disney had them searching for diamonds, but what do dwarfs really like best?"
"That's easy," said Lily. "Gold!"
"Truth accepted," said Bumptious. "As in HoGG; the Honorary Guild of Gold-miners. Okay, second question. I like being a dwarf down a mine. I'd like being a human down a mine. I'd even like being an elf down a mine. But why don't I want to be a bird down a mine?"
"Oh, I know!" exclaimed Lily again. "The only birds that go down mines are canaries, and you wouldn't like to be one because they were sent down in a cage on a rope to check that the air was breathable, and they died if it wasn't!"
"Truth accepted" smiled Bumptious, visibly pleased. "I never thought you'd get that one! Okay, last question. You can challenge a dwarf. You can hurt a dwarf. You can even kill a dwarf. But what must you never do to a dwarf?"
Lily opened her mouth for a second, but let it shut. She turned to Mona.
"Finished your little spree, have you? Right" Mona said, turning to Bumptious. "You absolutely hate being robbed."
"Truth accepted," he said. "Well done. Three is the score, so let's see if we can't do something about getting you out of here."
Bumptious went behind the cart again, and emerged with a stick of dynamite. He placed it against one of the cave walls and lit it.
"Cover your ears!" he warned them, and a colossal bang blasted an exit in the rock. They walked towards it.
"Thanks" Lily called back to Bumptious.
"No problem" he replied. "Oh, before you go, there's something else. I assume you'll be needing to get into level two?"
"That's right" said Mona.
"Then you'll need a small spell" Bumptious went on. "It's called SHIMMER. Now, on your way."
Whistling, he went back to his work, and the adventurers left the chamber.
They came into what looked like a kitchen, with a table and four chairs, a dresser and a stove unit as well as two portals on the far wall.
"Wow, an authentic medieval kitchen" said Mona in awe.
"Feels kind of creepy to me" shivered Lily. "Can we go now?"
"Probably wouldn't be a very good idea" Mona reasoned. "Remember that the Dungeon is setting us a challenge here, and it's very unlikely we'd end up somewhere we didn't specifically need to be."
As she spoke, an elderly woman ran in through the left-hand door.
"You see?"
Lily nodded, beginning to understand a little more about this adventure.
"Hello, dearies" smiled the woman. "Come to dinner, have you? Well, sit down, please."
"Are you a witch?" asked Lily dubiously as they sat down.
"Yes, I am dearie!" she exclaimed with glee. "What a clever girl you are! My name's Mrs. Grimwold and this is my kitchen. I've come to make supper for my husband."
"Your husband?" asked Mona suspiciously.
"Grimwold is an ogre" Mrs. Grimwold told them. "He's a fussy eater, you know. Mind you, my two-headed dog Festus is even worse; he just has to have live prey!"
"I don't think we will stay, if you don't mind," said Mona apologetically. "You see, we're on this..."
"Nonsense, dearie" said Mrs. Grimwold. "I insist you stay to dinner with Grimwold and me. Oh, look, here he is now."
A huge salivating ogre with a club shambled into the room. He roared with hunger when he saw the gathering at the table.
"Hello, Grimmy" the witch greeted him, leading him to the table. "Look, I've got your dinner all ready for you. Give me a shout when you're finished and we'll get some pudding, okay?"
Mrs. Grimwold cackled as she left the room, leaving Mr. Grimwold to lick his lips at the three morsels at his table.
"Eek!" screamed Lily. "He's going to eat us!"
"Time to leave, I think," Mona hissed, leading her friends swiftly over to the right-hand door, ignoring Mr. Grimwold's roars of protest.
Mona discovered a scroll on the floor in front of the door, on which was written the word EXHUME. Another dwarf tunnel followed.
"What's written on that scroll?" asked Charley.
"Just the word EXHUME," said Mona.
"Another spell perhaps?" Charley suggested.
"I know!" Lily piped up. "I bet it's some kind of password."
"Could well be" Mona agreed. "Look, there's a portal up ahead."
They found themselves in a grey-black stone room with one door, and a wall with pronounced lines in its lighter grey bricks.
"I bet that wall's going to move" Lily shuddered. "Just look at it!"
Sure enough, the wall grated forward to block their path. It had a menacing face hewn into it.
"Password!" it demanded.
"It's some kind of spiritual manifestation" Mona whispered. "And it wants the password."
"Well we've got it" Lily declared. "Exhume!"
The wall lingered for a moment and then crumbled to dust, leaving their exit clear.
"Well done" said Mona. "You were right about that word. Come on, let's go."
The next chamber consisted purely of doorless brick walls.
"How do we get out of here?" wondered Charley.
"Hello dearies. Took my Grimmy's supper away from him, did you? That's not nice, you know."
They watched Mrs. Grimwold step out from the shadows, followed by a salivating two-headed dog with five tails and sharp teeth. Fang hissed and arched his back.
"You stopped the blocker from having his fun too, didn't you?" Mrs. Grimwold leered. "Well, at least Festus won't go hungry. He's pleased to see you, dearies. Go on Festus; FETCH!"
They backed up against the wall.
"The spell!" hissed Charley.
"I know!" hissed back Mona. "Spellcasting: S-H-I-M-M-E-R."
The wall behind them began to fade into a shimmering haze, and they stepped backwards through it, into another chamber.
"Go on, Festus, chase them!" Mrs. Grimwold ordered the hound.
"Quick, get rid of it!" screamed Lily.
"Dispel:" Mona proclaimed. "M-E-R-H-S-I-M."
The wall took on a solid shape again, trapping Festus and Mrs. Grimwold on the other side. The room in which they found themselves was identical to the previous one, except for a stone well in the far left-hand corner.
"Looks like that's the only way out," said Lily.
"Yes" said Mona. "And the way down to the second level, by my reckoning. Wells were often used to change levels in castles and dungeons if the staircases were besieged by enemies."
"Good!" beamed Charley. "Then let's get to level two."
He and Lily leapt down, and Mona followed with Fang in her arms.
They got the fright of their lives in the next room. There were four doors, but they were blocked by a colossal creature. It was made up of bones, warped in size, and contained a skull upon a pelvic saddle sprouting four sinuous limbs. The screeching noise it made was deafeningly horrible. Mona stared up at the catacombite's face; the eye sockets glowed eerily red, and it was dominated by the terrifying grin of the long dead.
"Oh my God, it's horrible!" screamed Lily. "Do something, Mona."
"What is it?" asked Charley.
"I don't know, Zapman" Mona admitted. "It's some kind of skeleton reanimated after death. It must feed on creatures' living essence; even a brush against it could probably kill us."
"What do we do?" Lily screeched over the din it was making.
"The brain!" Mona exclaimed, staring at its glowing eyes. "To destroy a creature like this, you must destroy the brain. Zapman, hit it with your stun gun."
Charley obeyed and the creature screamed louder, but it did not stop writhing about.
"It's not working!" he cried.
"Wait a second" Mona said. "There's more to come."
As Lily and Fang watched in terror, Mona approached the creature two steps, and stood in front of its glowing eyes. She held up both hands, one in front of each socket.
"Keep that stun ray on it!"
She closed her eyes and splayed her hands. Lightning streamed from her fingertips and into the eye sockets. The catacombite bellowed in pain as its brain was destroyed and it exploded into a thousand pieces.
"Quick, out, before we're buried!" Mona called urgently. With Fang, Charley and Lily following, she dashed out of the nearest door.
The next room was large and pink with a high arched door. There was a table in one corner, and a figure clad in red and yellow appeared to be sleeping on it.
"What a horrible creature that was" Lily squirmed. "It was frightening because it was so huge, and unnerving because it was made of human bones."
"I agree," said Charley. "I hope there aren't too many things like that around here."
"I'm sure there are plenty" said Mona, walking over to the table. "Look at this. Do you suppose we should wake him?"
The others came over.
"He doesn't look dangerous," said Charley. "I think he's a jester."
"Yes" said Lily. "And if we don't wake him, but we're supposed to for this challenge, then we'll never get home."
"Right" said Mona. "I'd better wake him, then. Um, excuse me."
He didn't stir, but then Charley prodded him and he spluttered to life.
"Oi, Mush, what's your game?" demanded the jester as he sat up. "You can't just go around prodding people like that."
"Sorry " stammered Charley. "It's just that we're on this..."
"Oh, you're that lot trying to find the Lord of Dreams, aren't you?" realised the jester. "Mona, Charley and Lily, isn't it, and your cat Fang? Well, my name's Motley. I'm supposed to help you, but to be honest I don't think I can right now."
"Why not?" asked Mona.
"Is something wrong?" Lily was concerned.
"Well, there is, as a matter of fact" Motley muttered sullenly. "Some idiot's nicked my laughter and I can't be a jester without it."
"How can somebody steal your laughter?" challenged Mona. "That's silly."
"I would have thought that you'd understand, of all people" snapped Motley. "Here in Knightmare it's just as easy to steal someone's laughter as it is his money."
"I suppose," said Mona grudgingly. "Well, perhaps we could find it for you."
"Oh, I know where it is!" Motley exclaimed. "But I can't get to it because it's trapped in a magic giant joker playing card. I've tried to get it back. I yelled Snap at it first because that's how I was released when I was trapped in a similar card some years ago, but it didn't work. None of my magic is strong enough to release it. If you were to get it, you'd have to find some kind of sorcerer. Are you willing to try for me?"
"Of course" said Mona. "If you aid us in reaching level three."
Motley reached into his jerkin and pulled out a normal-sized joker playing card and gave it to Mona.
"You can use this to summon me" he explained. "Just play it by dropping it to the ground and I'll appear. If you manage to retrieve my laughter, I'll certainly make sure you can reach level three."
"You're sure this giant card is somewhere on the level?" Mona asked.
"Yes" said Motley. "I'm sure you'll come across it; don't worry. Well, thanks; hopefully I'll see you later. Bye."
They left the room by the only door. The next room appeared to be empty apart from an ugly figurehead above the door.
"Yuck, gross!" exclaimed Lily.
"It looks like some kind of gremlin," said Mona.
"Hey, look" said Charley. "Is that something glistening on its nose?"
They went over and, sure enough, a necklace of yellow beads was hanging from its nose. Mona jumped up and grabbed it.
"It's pretty," said Lily.
"I think it's made of amber," said Mona, examining it.
They all jumped as a beam of energy leapt from the head and made a hole in the floor in front of them.
"Time to leave, I think" said Charley, as the floor was blasted into smithereens around their feet. They ran through the door.
They blundered into a grand throne room. A queen dressed in grey was lounging on her throne, but rose to her feet as they made their entrance.
"How dare you enter the court of the witch queen in this manner?" she barked in outrage. "Who are you, and what do you want?"
They were taken aback at her manner, but Fang cantered up to her and rubbed himself against her legs.
"Oh, what a charming cat!" she exclaimed, delighted. "Hello, puss."
The queen sat down and let Fang sit on her lap. She stroked him and he began to purr.
"You must excuse my outburst," she said more kindly. "I am Greystagg, the queen of the witches. Who are you?"
"I'm Mona the Vampire," said Mona. "These are Zapman and Princess Giant. I'm sorry that we've disturbed you."
"Not at all, not at all" smiled Greystagg, stroking Fang vigorously. "You have a lovely cat. What is his name?"
"Fang."
"I like cats and they like me" Greystagg went on. "One of my familiars is a cat; he's called Malkin. So, what can I do for you?"
"Well, we do have a kind of mission to fulfil" Charley chimed in.
"And what might that be?" smiled Greystagg kindly.
"We have to rescue Motley's laughter from a playing card" Mona told her.
"Oh, so that's Motley's laughter, is it?" laughed Greystagg. "I might have guessed. I've seen it nearby; you should have no trouble finding it. But releasing it..."
"Do you have a spell to do that?" asked Lily.
"Maybe" mused Greystagg. "What do you have that you're willing to trade?"
"Just this amber necklace" said Mona, holding it up.
"My dear girl, that's witch amber!" exclaimed Greystagg, eagerly snatching it up, releasing Fang as she did so. "Yes, you can have a spell for that. Now, let me think. You need to get the card to turn over and release the laughter. For this purpose, I gift you the spell FOLD."
"Thanks" said Mona.
"Thank you for the witch amber" smiled Greystagg. "Now, leave there."
They exited through the door she indicated.